Bagel Jokes

Bagels are one of the few breads that are boiled before they’re baked. Nobody really questions it, they just eat them. Here are our favorite bagel jokes, and if you’ve got one to add, let us know in the comments!

What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
What do you get if you cross a doughnut with a bagel? A hybread.
Why was the bagel so lazy? It was slow to rise.
Did you hear about the tennis-playing bagel? It was seeded.
Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese.
Why did the bagel feel sad? It was empty inside.
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast? Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast.
What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods.
Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign.
Why was the bagel in a cage? It was bread in captivity.
What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
Why are bagels religious? They’re very holy.
What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker? It’s nice to be kneaded.
What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy.
Which martial art is used to make bagels? Judo.
Why did the bagel go the bar? To get toasted.
Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy.
Why shouldn’t you get a job in a bagel shop? It’s a crummy place to work.