Cat Jokes

Cats spend around 70% of their lives asleep, and somehow still act like they’re exhausted. Here are our favorite cat jokes, and if you know a good one we missed, let us know in the comments below!

Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? Just kitten.
What do you get if you cross a cat and a squid? An octopuss.
What do you call a cat sitting on ice? One cool cat.
What did you call the cat next door 800,000 years ago? A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why was the poor man shaking a cat? To see if there was any money in the kitty.
Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer a cat-alogue.
What did the cat on the phone say? Can you hear meow?
Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives.
How do you mail a cat? Use fur-class mail.
What animals are the best pets? Cats, because they are purr-fect.
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.
What did the alien say to the cat? Take me to your litter.

What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisker.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do you get when you cross a big cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
How do you know a cat is agitated? He’s having a hissy fit.
Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
My cat won a dog show, would you believe it! The other contestants yelled ‘Cat-has-trophy!’
Took my cat to work today, and when I went to the scanner, everyone else was there with their cats as well. Such a bunch of copycats.
My friend keeps trying to get me to get a cat even though I’m a dog person. Talk about peer purr-essure.
Yesterday I was charged a million dollars for sending my cat into space. It was a cat astro fee.
How did the cat type his name on the computer? He typed A Tab B
What do you call a cat that lives at the beach? Sandy claws.
What do you call a cat that eats lemons? A sour puss.
What do cats like to eat on a hot day? A mice-cream cone.
What do you call a photo taken by a cat? A paw-trait.
What song does a cat like best? Three blind mice.
What did the cat say when she got stuck in the hole? Help meow-t.
What game did the cat like to play with the mouse? Catch.

What do you call a floating cat? A bobcat.
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
What kind of sports car does a cat drive? A furrari.
Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? Because it littered.
In what kind of weather is a vet the busiest? When it’s raining cats and dogs.
Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark.
What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote? Paws.
Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water? She set a new lap record.
Which spotted wild cat is the epitome of good energy flow? The Chi-tah
What did the mouse say when the cat grabbed his tail? That’s the end of me.
What should you tell people when you’re looking for Captain Marvel’s cat? You’re on a wild Goose chase.